


Letters to You

by scruffufflewilltriumph



Category: The 100, clexa - Fandom, the100
Genre: Clarke Griffin - Freeform, Clexa, Commander Lexa, F/F, the100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 18:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8725558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffufflewilltriumph/pseuds/scruffufflewilltriumph
Summary: Lexa has loved Clarke unrequitedly for 3 years, she writes her a letter trying to get over her. Clarke finds the letter and responds. All you see/read are the letters between the two, nothing else.





	

If you ask me a couple of months ago exactly how i felt for you, i would have answered with a simple “i love you.” IF you ask me now how i feel for you, i would answer with a slap in the face, my face, not yours. With the stupidity of love and everything that involves love i am utterly disappointed that i fell for its tricks and pure evilness. For a moment, not even a moment.. for a long time i believed, i hoped, that even with the given circumstances, we would still manage to be together. With my twisted mind, that was filled with lust and frustration, i was convinced that if we weren’t together in this universe.. then maybe in some alternate universe we are together and happy. Thinking of that now makes me cringe and makes me sick to the stomach to even think that i had hoped for such stupid things. You never really hurt me, i hurt myself through you. All those times i managed to convince myself that you hated me or that you didn’t like me, or even such stupid things like you were avoiding or ignoring me, those things hurt me. They hurt me because they came from you, but no such thing would have hurt me if i just wasn’t this much in love with you. I want to wake up and tell myself that you are no longer in the picture, that i no longer stare awake at night thinking of what could of been.. or what could be. I am done trying to convince myself that there is a future with us, when clearly there isn’t. Falling in love was the easiest thing i have ever done in my life, but falling out of it is the hardest, and getting over it even harder, but damn how even though i may have gotten over you and feel numb towards any feelings for you.. letting go is the most difficult thing i have ever tried to do. I have not yet fully let go, i try and i try yet everything keeps coming back to you. I could go days and weeks without seeing you, and just as i thought i was over you, the universe plays this cruel trick where you pop out of nowhere and i am forced to stare at you. I cannot even explain the aching in my heart and the pain that overwhelms me when i see you. I know you don’t love me.. love me in the way i want you to. You never will, and even with the countless times that i have told myself that, you still are the first person i think of and the last. I can never escape you, not even in my dreams. I want to wish you all the happiness in this world, but part of me doesn’t. Part of me wants you to ache the way i ached, while part of me wants you to be the happiest in the world. I want you to feel the pain that you made me feel, yet that would be unfair because you never really knew how much you affected me, you never really knew the pain i felt the most came from you. You tried so hard to help me get over the aching and the suffering, yet you failed to realize that the reason you couldn’t help me was because you were the cause of it. With every thought, every word i have ever said, every time your name was mentioned.. caused me vulnerability, caused me to ache and to suffer endlessly as i tried to maintain who i was all while trying to love you. The thing about loving someone who loves someone else is that, often times that someone will never get the chance to realize or know that you loved them in the first place. They are so focused on loving who they love that they don’t realize that cigarette breaks and the teary eyes, are all from moments that they caused unknowingly. You smile at me and i light a cigarette, you look at me and i light a cigarette, you laugh.. i light 4 cigarettes, you cry because of me, i finish a full pack. I have always had a smoking addiction, so no one can say that you started it or that you are the cause of it, you just support it. I was writing this in the hopes of finally letting you go, and realizing that this was a good run, this unrequited love, it was fun while it lasted. Yet reading this i am just sitting here realizing how much you still affect me and how much i love you. How could i have fallen in love with someone that barely given me much. Yet looking back, i have fallen for your innocent soul, the purity in your eyes even with all that wisdom, the caring words that eased the aching, the way you placed your hand on my shoulder to ease the suffering. All those things, all those moments led me here, led me to fall for you. It has been three years, three years with this unrequited bullshit. Let me go, let me go because for some reason i am convinced that the reason i cannot let go is because part of you, the unconscious you is aware of how much i love you. For my sake let me go and let me be free, because i don’t know how much longer i can keep up loving someone like you. 

 

unrequitedly love,  
Lexa.


End file.
